things i've noticed while sick

many of you (okay, Kurt) have asked,"where are all the emails i used to get from you? the rants, the "funny" stories, the sports takes we didn't get but didn't mind reading... what could you possibly be doing with your time?!"
well gentle readers, i could blame it the new job which i started in may of this year or the fact that, sigh, the sacramento kings, while i'm still a "fan," suck, and aren't that much fun to watch lose. i mean, i didn't grow in boston or chicago -i don't know that much about suffering with the team. and many (nearly all) don't get (enjoy) a lot of my sports references... and it's not AS much fun to hate the lakers these days, cause they suck too. which is rad. i have been involved in hijinx -but those stories are best told with hand gestures or puppets...
but, seeing as i have been out of work all week with strep throat (i know!) and am bored off my ass AND the fact that i think the antibiotics are starting to work... here are some things i've noticed while being sick
10. i've noticed: there are a ton of people hanging out in laurel heights on a tuesday around 11.15am. they not only have a lot of free time to spend, but cash as well... on range rovers. you can imagine how very frustrating it was trying to find parking for starbucks in order to get my double decaf, non fat, slightly vegan, 143 degree, mocha frapp w/ three quarter whip. stupid yuppies.
9. i've noticed: day time tv sucks. so i watched the Mary Lant...(something) story. the middle school teacher who gets imprisoned for having sex w/ her 13 year old student? yeah, her. seems like a lot of people at Lifetime have a lot of sympahty for this woman - she is played very sympathetically -that's why i say that (i only have so many adjectives at my disposal right now). apparently she and the 13 year old are "soulmates." they now have two kids together... the end of the movie didn't provide an update as to where they are right now... i wonder how i could find that out...
8. i've noticed: day time tv sucks big time. the next movie right after this one was about a soccer mom (based on another true story) who goes into chatrooms posing as a 14 year old girl to help the police catch pedophiles. i was like, "holy ironies batman! um, hello?" yeah, old men preying on young girls is disgusting, but old women preying on young boys is romantic. whatevs.
7. i've noticed: that while sick, i'm willing to subject myself to just about anything. hmmm... maybe ryan will call and talk about what he does at work.
6. i've noticed: i've sorta got a thing for... Rob Zombie. not like that. his movies. i know. even worse! okay. so to be fair(to whom?), i've only seen one. a house of a 1000 corpses. horribly grotesque, mean, dark, zero redemption, zero happy ending. but i could NOT stop watching it. like a really bad porn accident (i don't know, people always say car accident) i could not turn away. and now i'm obsessed with seeing the remake of Halloween directed by none other than our friend Rob (Mr. Zombie if you're nasty) -so now i think for today i'm going to watch the sequel to 1000 corpses, the hills have eyes... that or valley girl.
5. i've noticed: that Oprah is STILL talking about her weight! (more bad tv). i was like, "what a loser..."(more irony) but it made me think. my girlfriends and i talk about our weight, our bodies, food, etc. a.lot. don't we have better things to focus our energy on? like the illegal war, homelessness, or universal healthcare?! by the way, i haven't been able to eat anything due to a really painful swallowing process (shut it gavin) that occurs so i've lost like 5 lbs and can totally fit into these one pair of jeans............ uhm. right. that AND sign one of those moveon.org online petitions. this is what involved in the process looks like people.
4. i've noticed: i'm not as funny when i'm sick.
3. i've noticed: there's something wrong w/ our HBO
2. i've noticed: that the internet killed the video star. hey, that should be on a bumper sticker or t-shirt or something...
1. i've noticed: that i am probably the only person laughing at this email. it's funnier if you can actually hear me read the things that i've noticed -my tone, my inflection, the way i repeat things until i hear you laugh so i know that you finally "got" it, etc. so call me if you want me to read it over the phone to you. if it goes straight to voicemail it means that i'm busy reading it to someone else.... or screening your call (mom).